Baby Names

So I have decided that the number one divorce causer among young couples having cvhildren has got to be naming their baby. Its the hardest thing I've ever done. With my son I made a list of names I liked, my ex looked it over said I like William, but not for a first name, I said, hey, me too, so that became his middle name. Then he said he liked Samuel and Blake. So we sent out a poll to our closest friends, and one day he was talking to my belly and said "hello little Sammy...or Blake" and he thus became Sam, which is awesome because my dad's nickname was Sam as a kid and that just totally sealed the deal.
Now as I am expecting my second child, That I swore I already ha a fricken name picke for last december, it is the biggest point ofstress in my life. Moving in like 24 hrs because of ass hole landlords I can handle, dealing with being hugely preggo and unemploye, totally doable (did that with sam) but trying to calmly decide on a name in cooperation witht he father of my child is going to drive me insane, or put me into pre term labor. Our fight last night (that I admit is my hormonal fault right there) ends with a snotty text from him telling me to name the baby whatever I want. Yeah right, sounds easy enough, but will it actually happen that way? Uh, NO. so now I play the waiting game. I wait to see when he brings it up and just try to find names we both might like until then. So any names that do not start with "V" and cannot be easily made fun of would be much appriciated...

great deals today!

So I took a new mom friend to a local baby store today and I found a boppy cover for $1, a super friggen cute snow suit size 3 months, it fuzzy. brown, and has ears! >.< yup, i'm happy, Also I was bidding on a clothing lot on ebay so I also won 50 pcs of boy cloth size 0-6 months all fall and winter (which i will need) and a moby wrap, I paid only $55 for all of it, the wrap alone would have cost me $30 at the local stores (they had on in today)

 this is my eBay buy,

my teddy bear snow suit.

6-11-12

So we got a house and I have started packing, I have also started making my own cloth diapers. I am very proud that I made my first one ever today. This will be a very short entry because I am suoer tired and just wanted to share before going to bed. My heartburn is killing me and I have no clue how I'm gonna get to sleep tonight... wish me luck!

Babycenter.com

Ok, I will start with a disclaimer that I realize this is an internet forum and that it is unimportant as all the women on it are strangers to me.

Now, I am upset because our October 2012 birht borad has ben disrupted repeatedly in the last month. Since our new group owners have taken over the board has gone to hell. It went so far as to have 2 rival faction break off to form their own groups, saddly this is not where it ended. Ok, so a little back story here. there is a person whose screen name I will not use as it is her real name and I dont want to post her for the whole world to see, but other members on the board refer to her as "queenie" or the princess and everyone know who they are talking about. She was always super sweet and supportive and never did or said anything that would cause you to dislike her, so some people took and instant disliking to her, such is the way if the world. I was originally on her side and could not fathom why some people hated her so much. I personally liked her and looked forward to her weekly post saying his is our week, as we share a due date. However, when the board split I was upset because my favorite drma makers (and it was not really drama by my standards simply good sarcasim most if the time) had left for the uncensored board, while the "rainbow group" stuck around to post both on our board and their "no dramam mama" board. Now I have been told that the princess has gotten her rainbows group to repeatedly report every post, whether a violation of babycenter rules ro not, in an effort to get people they did not like banned. This annoys me. Because its just so much bull shit. So this results in team 2 losing a member. Tink (i cant recall ehr full screen name) was banned even though she never posted a violation. Now I will say that there have been times that i thought tink was being an ass and may havereported these comments myself, but I report people that are trully out of line only. So now afer not really being online for a few days i come in to see that the babycenter staff has called attention to our group, Yikes, however they are not really helping the situation, and everytime someone asks questions and demands answers they copy and paste answers in reply that do not really answer any questions, while they may VAGUELY address a concern its like listening to a 3 yr old argue with himself. So afetr 160 coments on the Baby center staff post of them talking in circles I got a little angry., I will ad mit this, I accused them privately in a report ( i actually reported a babycenter staff member that logged on and commented defending the staff for vague answers) of conducting a circle jerk and publicly told them to fuck off. I have been very careful to be liek switzerland and not take a side here, but I cannot stand hypocrits being in charge, they drive me crazy. So I will see how long my public eff you stands and hope they dont ban me for itm though since i have never had a violation before I'm not sure how they could do so. Ugg.

House hunting

So we are trying to find a house before the baby comes, hell, we'd like to be moved in by july 1. We had thought we had a house that was 4 bd with fenced yard for 700 a month, but the lady rented it because she was told we did not want it by someone else, really?! Did you thin k to ask if we wanted it? ASK US! The longer it takes to find a nother house we can agree on the angrier I get. Justin seems to think that we can afford up to 1000 a month, which we REALLY CANT. So I try to find homes big enough with lower rents, but they are not "nice enough". Ok, we need a home, it is in a good neighborhood, and its clean, yes, its old and not as nice as the one you want that costs alot more. The point is that its within a safe budget and will work for our family. Would I prefer that it was newr? Yes. Would I prefer a fenced yard, hell yes. However I know how to compromise and to be fiscally responsable. Renting a house that is BARELY inside your budget and would give you no cushion at all should things go to hell is not a good idea.

I hope you are begining to see my frustration here, and to understand why I get madder as the days go by house hunting. My even bigger frustration is the house he is set on having also require a $925 safety deposit, from a company that is well known for not returning deposits when you move out. so why they hell would we put ourselves in that situation? So I am looking into other houses while he sleeps, and insisting that he look at the inside of the house he does not like, because if the inside is nice I'm going to remind him we can always repaint the outside. Ugg. I'm having a just shoout me now morning.

VBAC

Ok, so for those that don't know I had a c section with my son. To most people this means I have to have another one, but that is not the case, there is something called Vbac, or vaginal birth after ceasarian. This means that I let nature take its course, go into labor, work my way through contractions and dialation and then push, you know, like a normal person. But there is this big scarey vbac monster called uterine rupture. Yeah, its just liek the name indicates, your uterus ruptures during labor or delivery. Now that idea alone is enough to scare the vbac right out of most women, but not me. Me, I ask "oh really, and just how often does That monster rear its very bloody head?" The answer, in less than 1% of vbacs, its closer to .87%. thats not a big risk at all. granted its higher than the risk of it if you have NEVER had a csection (which by the way does happen, women do have ruptured uteruses even though they have never had a csection) Justin is concerned that i may die during this procedure. He is SO scared of it that he is a fence sitter right now, he gets that its my choice but states he will "never forgive you if you die and leave me alone with this baby" I have to laugh, especially after research is showing that my death is at a higher risk for a repeat elective csection than it is with a VBAC. Just wait til he hears that one.

I have looked at risk factors, and I have debated on what to do, but honestly I'm a perfect canidate for a VBAC, they ask for 24 months between births, well we are looking at 4 years here. and as long as my little bean decides to make his world debute before or around his due date there is no extra risk. I'm also gonna quote vbac.com here because I thought this was important. "Current US health law and medical-ethical guidelines give childbearing women who once gave birth by cesarean the option of laboring for a VBAC or scheduling an elective repeat cesarean. ACOG’s current guidelines for VBAC state that women with one prior cesarean should be counseled about VBAC early during pregnancy and offered a trial of labor. Physicians should give women comprehensive information about the benefits and risks of VBAC and elective repeat cesarean, but ultimately the decision should be made by the patient" yeah that means that after only one csection the bigwig docs think it would be unethical to not educate women on vbacs, would be unethical to not allow a trial of labor. Yeah, that sounds about right. Hello, if the big wig think a trial of labor is the best option who am I to disagree, who is anyone to disagree with a woman that makes the choice to try?

So now that I have covered that a rupture is highly unlikely I'd like to poke at what if. What if it did happen? Did you know that research has shown that as long as quick action is taken and surgery is performed within 30 mins that the risk to mother and child are minimal? Did you know that I ws rushed from my labor room to the OR and my son was born in less than 30 mins? Did you know that the hospital i have chosen to give birht in is set up for the worst case senerio and that my child will be delivered through emergency csection in less than 30 mins if anything should go wrong? Yeah, most people don't know that, most people assume that the uterus pops like a balloon and everyone dies, yeah no. If it takes weeks and months for a uterus to shrink to normal size after birht than its not going to disappear the second it ruptures. the concern is that the baby or placenta would prolapse through the rupture and into the abdomen of the mother causeing issues for both mother and child.

I think at this point i have defended my choice well and hope that everyone else can either stand by that choice or at least step out of the way for it to be made.

Pertussis and vaccines

Ok, so we all have heard the horror stories of "way back when" when there were babies dying daily from whooping cough, just like they did from measles, chicken pox, the flu, polio, ect. But we all think we live in this cushioned modern world with vaccines and the such that have erradicated these things, but they aren't really gone. The diseases are still there, waiting for parents that choose not to vaccinAte their children. I will not argue that you have the right to not vaccinate your child, that is your choice and the results of this choice are between you and God. But I will say that children and adults ARE getting pertussis, Thats the fancy name for whooping cough, and that babies and children are suffocating to death from this illness. They cannot breath.

I'll be the first to say that I HATE the commercial with the mom holding her baby and trying to guilt you into vaccinating yourself, for your child's sake, but this is because I don't do guilt trips. I also don't do booster shots or flu shots. For myself that is. My son gets his vaccines because I don't want to worry that someday it MIGHT happen, because today is the day that might turns bad for so many families. And for people who think this is out of place in May, because, Hello, summer is almost here, my sister was diagnosed with pertussis yesterday. My son and I spent 3 days with her right before she became ill. Guess who had his shots and is at a much lowered risk for becoming ill? Thats right, my kid. When this baby is born you had better believe he will be getting the whooping cough vaccine just as soon as he can. Again, you make your choices for your child and I will make my choices for mine, we do not have to agree on them and while I may disagree with you I will not judge you for making your choice. But the reasoning I give behind my choice is not that I choose to have a mostly dead virus injected into my child. I choose to not have to bury my child. If this sounds harsh i'm sorry, this is trully how I feel. Have you ever read the book "Fever: 1793" it breaks your heart, and this is what stays in my mind when I consider what to do.

5-18-12

I am back, this time it wasnt from me forgetting, my internet has been down and my phone will not let me access the site fully enough to post.

So I found a new store, its called Simple Cloth in Olympia and the lady that runs it is so helpful. She talked me through what kind of inserts to use and what things will be helpful to have with cloth diapers, and I am very excited to get started. Well, get started with a baby in diapers, we started cloth diapering Sam at night, sort of, we are using the biodegradable inserts from gdiaper right now since i only have a single insert the right size for Sam. We did a registery at this place for some of the things we will need, I also have the registry on Amazon for gdiapers.

Since I know how expensive cloth diapers can be initially I am also looking into making our own if we can't out right purchase everything we need by the time baby gets here. There is a brand at Joann Fabrics called babyville that i looked at that had a good system that you make yourself, I will also we going a step further to make some that have the same snap in liner that gdiapers has (which is the reason i like gdiapers - well that and the velcro bit :D) LOL, I had a fun thought to put a "V" on the back like the "G" on gdiapers, get it Vdiapers for "Vrooman" Bwahahaha. But seriously I am excited to cloth diaper and it is all I have been thinking about lately, well, the only happy thoughts.

My unhappy thoughts follow the recent passing of my grandfather, the stress of trying to get time off work to drive out of state to go to his funeral, and coming up with the money to go. Its harder to come up with the extra moeny since Justin and I are trying to get a house before the baby is born, ad we may hove found one but its 1400 to move in plus having to pay rent on the apt until we can get into the house. See, I'm getting stressed just trying to think about it all. Ok, cloth diapers, fun fabrics and funky colors, WOO SAW....

So my 24th bday is coming up soon, as in on Tuesday, thats 4 days away. I have no plans at all, I was thinking about inviting a few (very few, like 2-3) friends over for tea and cupcakes but with everything thats going on right now I'm thinking not, maybe I'll pack a picnic lunch -if its not rainy and cold) and have said frineds do a picnic with me instead.

Oh yeah, since I havent been able to post for a few weeks, the baby is a boy. We're not sure of names yet but its only been 2 wks so we have plenty of time for debates lol.

Ultrasound Day

So today is the day of the gender scan. Ack. Will baby cooperate?! Will I be able to NOT peak to find out now and actually wait for Saturday?!

Ok, my mild panic attack is over, Bwahahaha. Ok, now for the seriousness of the day. My apt complex has been tryin to find a new manager, and I was told that if they hired one that I would be able to have the rec center for this Saturday's party, which is what I want, since I do not want to have people over since it means cleanin my house more than normal and I am too tired for that, but they did hire a new mgr and since they haven't gotten their act together yet I still can't use the rec enter, so here I am trying to do a deep clean on my place with a tornato named Sam trashing it as I clean it. Ugg. But I will not be discouraged, I'd have to clean anyway since Bekah will be here this weekend. LOL. I am down to just the living room and kitchenb/diningroom. I have to finish picking up Sam's crap then vaccum and hope he stops dropping crumbs until this weekend, then I have to pick up the dining room table (its covered in mail and other paper work and I havent seen it since January or so. I alos have to do the dishes AGAIN! I have found that having another person living in the house makes more dishes than just Sam, Dad and I. So instead of doing dishes every other week I am doing them every week, sometimes more. Oh well, at least he takes out the garbage! Which is the second to last task opn my list, that after collecting all garbage and thow awayable things it needs to be thown away, So I will collect and let Justin handle those details, last on my list is laundry, which is mostly cleaned but not folded and certainly not put away. So this seems to be the biggest thing on my list, especially since I will not be folding until the livign room is clean because I tend to sit on the living room floor to do the folding (it has the most room for stacks of clothes) So now I'm gonna turn on my Itunes nice and loud, turn off Sam's cartoons (which will drive him nuts lol) and start cleaning....any minute now I will, I swear! Ok, maybe in a little bit.

4-29-12

So I realize I am easily distracted from this blog lately as unless I have something presing to say I tend not to write. but I did feel the writing urge today so here I am!

So our gender reveal party is one week from today and only 5 people besides myself and Justin have said they are going, now I get that this doesn't accout for all those people that never repond to invites but come anyway, but it still makes me feel a little sad, since a lot of the people that have not rsvp'd had said how exciting it would be. But oh well, whether there are 4 people or 40 this will still be so much fun for me. I really want to hare this with everyone.

So I have made my list of foods that will be there and have all ther ingrdients that wont go bad by next week, and cant wait for next Friday when Bekah will be down and our group baking session will start. Making cupcakes with my friends is alway a blast. Also I will be attempting to make potato salad all by myself that day so it will also be exciting to see how that goes. lol. I'm thinking of making a test run today after work to see if I should bother! I've never been good at the whole potato timing thing, but I'm hoping I have improved in the oh, 4 yrs since the last time I tried. I also created my facebook event for my babyshower, even though I have not invited anyone yet, I just wanted to set it up and have it there so that I could have it the way I wanted and not forget >.< I tend to do that, a lot.

So after we find out our baby's gender next Sateruday *fingers crossed for girl* LOL, we are going to dinner with Bekah and her man Brent, which i always fun since Brent is a riot and well, Bekah is Bekah which means I have never not had a blast with her :D. I just like spending time with my friends and I havent gotten to go out like that since we went to see them in February.


Alright, I am off to try to figure out a food that sounds good besides bacon (BAAAACON!!!) since we are all out and I am not going to the store to buy it, then coming home, waking up Justin and trying to convince him to cook it 9again I CANNOT cook bacon right for the life of me) all beforee trying to make it to work on time. Maybe just a smoothie today, though I am still craving some tuna with pickles, mmm, but alass this is also something I have to go to the store for.... Ok random food rabbit trail done. Have a good day all.

New decissions

Ok, so its been awhile since I've written. I havent really felt the need to write so I haven't. Since I have a feeling that this blog will become public (to people I know) soon, I will not talk about some things that could potentially upset these people, so I don't write the days I fell the need to vent about them ;) JK.

Mostly i have just been busy at work, or tired at home, but since I have decided on a few things recently I thought I should write them down. So I have decided to pay out of pocket to find out gender a few weeks early, which Justin thinks is silly, but since I'm paying he wont argue, lol. Also as soon as I know this ultrasound appt, I will be scheduling the gender reveal party (hopefully the weekend my bff Bekah is in town, since its not fair to reveal when she can't be there, she is Godmother after all) Due to Bekah being in town the first weekend of may, we are shooting for that Saturday, though we may do it Friday afternoon., who knows really. I need to go shopping with my other bff Trian to get supplies for the party. I'm thinking minimal decorations but there will be 2 sides to the room, so I need the It's a Boy sign and blue streamers for one side, and It's a girl and pink streamser on the other side. That way when everyone picks a tea, they can sit on that side of the room. I also need to get some gender myth papers typed up and printed out (and buy a box of pencils) so everyone can keep track of the tally. Then i need to get the box that will hold the reveal balloons wrapped (I may need to find paper for this as well) I think I will also add in this thing that helps avoid gender disappointment I read about (its for my friends not me, lol) and I will make my own list of the good thing about having each gender, and may have a section in the party where I ask everyone else to do the same, then we will read these right before we reveal gender (it will help to get people really confused on what they really want, so they can be excited regarless of the balloon color) I think it will also help me to feel happy regardless of gender because i have become quite torn on what I want.

Ok, so past this, I have decided beyond a doubt that I want to use gdiapers ont he new baby, they are amazing. I found 2 of these in a local baby store with a pack of disposable inserts adn it is amazing, it works so much better than the other cloth diapers I'd been using on Sam. So I went through and did my baby regestry today and made sure to add all of the gdiaper things I will need for baby (in all sizes) I also thought about how a lot of peopel may not want to purchase these as they can be expensive (and I just didnt add clothes and other things people can buy to the list) and was a bit worried they would simply buy me a pack of disposable diapers, so I think in the baby shower invites I will add the regestry info, a note that we have chosen to cloth diaper this baby and then a link to the gdiaper website page that has videos on how easy gdiapers are and why they are better than disposables, including a video that documents the decomp of gdiaper disposable insert vs tradtional disposable diaper (that video only lasts like a min 1/2)  So hopefully peopkle will look and understand why its worth it. plus I wont be spending 120 a month on disposable diapers, ugg. and if they help us purchase the gdiapers it will make the whole diapering experience more affordable all the way around.

So I think today is the day that I will add my blog to one of my groups on babycenter. that way I can at least share it with someone, since i know no one has read it so far.

Hello 2nd trimester

So I have made it 1/3 of the way through already, OMG! I am shocked, it is crazy how fast it seems to be going so far. I am just hoping that I can eat soon! I mean REALLY eat, not just nibbles here and there but full on NOM NOM, lol. I still have not gained any weight, I am actually still down 5 lbs. But Oh well.

So non pregnancy related I am reading the Hunger Games trilogy, I get so into them that I can't put it down and end up staying up all night to finish the book, its happened with both of the ones I have read so far. I am going to the store to buy the 3rd one today, I got the 1st 2 on nook since I was without car at the time and really wanted to read them.

OMG I am so hungry right now, and I just ate some toast and sliced apples, maybe i can find more to eat... I wonder what will sound good today, maybe some cheese with pickles on wheat thins.... Oooh Or I can make a muffalatta (sp?) mmmm, ok, Im really hungry now. LOL.

ok, so my car is offically fixed! I ran errnds with it today but somehow forgot about half of them so i went home to take a nap instead, ugg. So more things to do tomorrow, like put away all of my groceries >.< I put away everything that needed to stay cold. Also Sam broke my glasses so i have to see if my ins will cover repair or not. I hope so..
So while I was out today I decided to get me some fat pants, this is what I am calling maternity jeans right now. So I go to the baby store in our rival town, cuz I really like the owner, and grab some pants, and since I'm feeling kinda bored i wander the store looking at stuff, and find a super cute carseat that is grey plaid and amazing for only 27, that is a steal so I get it! Then I go to luch with a girlfriend and on my way home I decide to stop by the other baby store, the one in my town and find a bunch of swings that fold up, this si ver important to me since the swing I had for my son folded and could travel, this is a must have for me. There were a bunch of swings there and i was torn, I could have gone for the exact one I had before for 19, or a bright colored jungle animal theme for 22, or a soft cream with some colored swirls for 25, i picked the cream since it was the most neutral and so soft. I'm hoping I do not regret my early buys, I dont think I will but you never know. I'm just glad I was able to get both for under 60.

So after we get home Sam and I start watching cartoons and we fall asleep I wake up at 8 and put him to bed and then at 1030 my dad hears him having nightmares and comes to get me, which is crazy cuz  wake up from a dead sleep if he so much as wimpers, but I didnt hear him while completely awake. So I go in and see him, and he sorta wakes up and when I ask him about his dream he tells me that he did not have a bad dream, but he does want me to read him a book, that kid is so funny. I read him his story anf he jsut snuggles his blankie, smiles and goes back to sleep. Ahh, its moments like these when I remember why being a mom is the best thing in the whole world. LOL. Alright Im gonna try to sleep again now, peace.

Not much to say today. I worked, had my dad's truck battery die, twice. Then since I was super hungry I went to the AMAZING Medateranian Sandwich place, lol its amazing that we even have one since we are such a small town. I gto a huge sandwich and ate the whole thing then took a nap. YEAH, I have such an exciting life ;) but you know, making a whole nother person is tiring work right.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

So my day has gone to hell in a hand basket. Yup, nearly fainted at work, had to admit to being prego and got lectured for not saying anything sooner. Joy, then I go, clean out my old car, that has a bum engine (with a hole in it) and put it all in my new car, go through all the hassle of paperwork, plates, tiltes, BAH! Then make it to my doc appt, to be told Sorry docs in surgery, but you can see her nurse, no big, I like her nurse. So while waiting Sam wakes up, cuz he konked out on the way there and says mama I gotta pee, so I roll him into the bathroom (in his stroller) and pull him out, to find that he is sitting in a puddle of pee, oh joy. His pants are soaked, his stoller has a puddle and I have to get back out there to wait for my name to be called! I strip him, tell him to pee more and start mopping with paper towels, then I put a THICK and I mean THICk stack over where the wet spot is/was (less wet by tons) put Sam back in the stoller and cover him with my coat, tell him he has Got to stay still or everyone will see his wee wee, and head back out, just in time to hear my name called by the nurse. See her everything is fine, got my perscription for anti nausea meds, leave and puke in the parking lot. Oops.

I then call my friend, who does not anwser, so I call her sister, because by God someone is going to see my shiney new car today, go get my other frind, find out first friend is at 3rd friends house, are you confused yet? Cuz Im getting there, take 2nd friend to see the other two and the 3rd ones 3 kids. (by this time I rememember that there is a box of clothes in my trunk for Sam that I just kept forgetting to take upstairs (THANK YOU GOD) and put pants on Sam when we get to our final stop. Sam then acts like a maniac, which is fine at first 3 yr olds tend to run through the house together giggling, no big, then he steals toys away, then he gets into things, then they play tummy doc (I'm thinking they were doing the doppler like at ,my appt, but they decide friends oldest needs to have something taken out of her tummy and go for a knife, A KNIFE! what in the work are these kids thinking?! Where did this come from?! So I lecture them this is bad, Sam you know better than to play with knives, ect, I am getting tired, and nauseous, and decide to take Sam home, half way there the check engine light come on on my car and I have to limp home, when I get there it kinda smells like plasic is burning, WONDERFUL! So now I'm back with my dad's truck while he tries to figure out my car, and I gotta say he had BETTER do that before he goes driving it around for his work, cuz I'll kill him, I will, prego hormones are rampaging angry right now and if he blows my new cars motor I'm going homocidal. however you spell it. Sigh. Ok rant done. I think...

Now I am off to bed and so glad that I have 4 cloth diapers for Sam because I forgot to throw his other ones in the dryer. I have the 4th and unused one waiting for him to sleep in while the others rewash and dry tonight. Im just glad my super bad day is almost over, only thing left now is to clean the tub, which I threw up in while peeing the other night, it was full of my bath water as I had just climed out of the tub. So I thought it would drain with the water, i was wrong, I think that was a chocolate doughnut I ate....

To tell or not to tell

Ok, so most people know, however my new job does not. I applied before I got pregnant but by the time the whole process was through I was knocked up. (sounds like a bad movie) Any way, due to a severe family history of miscarriage I am hestent to tell them and get them all worked up about it only to tell them it was all for not, so do I tell them? When DO I tell them? I mean I will have to tell them sometime, hello. Since I recently hit the worst part of pregnancy, which is late first trimester early second when I start fainting. gotta love it. It is from lack of proper nutrition, which lets face it is impossible when you are throwing up EVERYTHING you consume, also I am (hopefully) at the tail end of my morning sickness, so when I say, "I have to use the restroom" Im really saying "I have to yack" but I got a warning today about my excessive use of the rest room, yup, only Im not really peeing but I cant tell them THAT either. So tomorrow is my next appt at 12 wks WOO! So I should be in the clear after this one to tell them, IF I choose to, at this point I feel dishonest NOT telling them, and I can only excuse it with my worry over miscarriage for so long. Thus my dilemma, Do I tell them now or wait? If I wait, how long should I wait? I think I'll ask my doc tomorrow, she seems smart (LOL, dont mind my extreme sarcasim tonight, I'm beat) and hopefully she will know what I should do, if not, Ill take aside the person in charge explain my dilemma, SHE needs to know, but NO ONE else does. Are women even biologically able to keep secrets? Im serious, I found out I was prego and called my best friend, I told her before I even told my boyfriend, I don't think he minds but who knows.

Alright, enough dilemma-ing for one night, Im gonna try to fall asleep before I yack again (this is my new favorite term if you cannot tell) and hope that I feel better in the morning ( I seem to be suffering from evening sickness now more than anything.

Good night cyber space, since I know no one is reading this, lol.

Welcome to my life

I have felt the need to share what is in my mind and heart for awhile, but have only done so on a website where I trully know no one, nor does anyone there know the real me, know my real story. So I hope to be as honest as possable here, in the land of blogging, you still do not know me, and that is ok, because you will know more, at least you will soon.

I guess in this new world of the internet where everyone feels the need to tell everyone else about every moment of their day that it makes sense that I would choose to journal online instead of in private. So here goes.

I woke today from the most amazing dream, about food. Yes its very cliched but its the truth. I was in a strange home with my boyfriend and bestfriend and we were making food. My first meal was scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast, which as you will learn is my favorit breakfast meal. Then when we bacame hungry again we made ravoli with spagetti sauce and salad. mmm, also a favorite. I'm not sure why I woke up from this dream, hell, I'm not sure why I wake half the time during the night, but I fell bak asleep and this time we were home hunting, whether for apartment or house it did not matter, we just wanted a home together, which we got and moved into in what seems like 2 mins, and likely took hours of dreaming to accomplish then it turned dirty, here comes the honesty I promised, and my boyfriend and I had "intimate relations" (I'll try to stay PG as much as possible) I woke from this dream feeling ver good, for the first time in God know how long, I once again long for my boyfriend to be sleeping beside me so I can celebrate properly how wonderful I feel. But since we have not actually found our home together he is across town.

Then as I lay happily, lazily, in my warm bed, with an annoying cat that has to be snuggled or else he cries, I am content, I am not nauseous yet, I don't have a head ache, and I am simply content. Then my son wakes up. Do not mistake this following rant. I love my son, but I also love peace and quiet, which does not coexsist with 3 year old boys that are awake. So he wakes up, climbs over the baby gate that is ment to keep him from roaming the house should he awake before me (note to self, buy taller gate) and comes into my room to snuggle. This is just fine by me, I do love peacefull snuggle time with my baby, however it never lasts, soon he is thrashing around, kicking, stealing blankets (note here I am currently unable to sleep if the window is shut, so my room is currently 35 degrees) and just acting like a monster. So I ungraciously kick him out of my room. He then whines that the cat bit him (our cat is siamese) I advise he not torment the cat, then a few mins later he whines that the cat is chasing this string he has, I advise him to stop dragging the string, as cats chase them. He then comes back to whine that he wants breakfast. This is my que to say good bye and post my first ever blog. I will wrestle with figuring out how the page works after he has been fed, and maybe myself as well, if my baby to be decides to let me keep it down that it.